C.J. Gardner-Johnson's Spitting Suspension Upheld Because the NFL Doesn't Do Llama Exemptions

C.J. Gardner-Johnson's one-game suspension for spitting at Brock Bowers has been upheld on appeal, because apparently, the NFL does not have a loophole for projectile saliva.

ESPN's Adam Schefter reported Thursday that the league officially shut down the Buffalo Bills safety's attempt to get out of his timeout. He will miss this week's game, leaving the Buffalo secondary down a key starter and their primary instigator.

"Adam Schefter reported the suspension was upheld upon appeal."

Gardner-Johnson earned this forced vacation during Sunday's 33-30 win over the Las Vegas Raiders. Cameras caught him launching spit at rookie tight end Brock Bowers, which is objectively one of the most unhinged ways to catch a flag in a professional football game. You can hit a guy over the middle at 20 miles per hour, but turning into a human sprinkler is where the league office draws a very hard line.

The Bills signed the 28-year-old veteran in March specifically to bring some edge and vocal leadership to their defensive backfield. He survived a scary lower-body injury in training camp just to get to the regular season, only to sideline himself by acting like a disgruntled llama.

Buffalo now has to shuffle its defensive rotation to cover his entirely avoidable absence. If you are looking at the weekend lines, factor in that the Bills are suddenly missing a guy who was supposed to lock down the deep third. Gardner-Johnson will be eligible to return next week, assuming he can figure out how to keep his bodily fluids to himself.