The Magic's New Starting Five is Objectively Hilarious and Terrifying

The Orlando Magic just dropped their starting five for Wednesday night against the Atlanta Hawks, and it looks like a video game roster where someone accidentally turned off the salary cap.

According to Underdog NBA, Orlando is officially rolling out Jalen Suggs, Desmond Bane, Franz Wagner, Paolo Banchero, and Wendell Carter Jr. to open the game.

"Underdog NBA reported the starting lineup of Suggs, Bane, Wagner, Banchero, and Carter Jr."

Seeing Bane listed in an Orlando starting group is still going to take a minute to process. The former Memphis Grizzlies sharpshooter slides right into a lineup that desperately needed someone who can actually shoot a basketball from outside the paint without hesitation.

The real miracle here is not just the offensive firepower, but the fact that this specific group of guys is entirely healthy at the exact same time. Suggs and Wagner have injury histories that read like a medical textbook, with Wagner coming off a calf strain that ruined his playoffs last spring and Suggs collecting knee and ankle ailments like trading cards.

For the fantasy managers and prop bettors frantically adjusting their spreadsheets, this starting five changes the entire math on the Magic. Banchero no longer has to force contested mid-range jumpers into triple coverage, which perfectly explains how Orlando casually dropped 136 points on the Miami Heat just a few days ago.

Putting Bane next to Banchero and Wagner is objectively hilarious for opposing defenses. You cannot send a double-team at Paolo when there is a guy standing in the corner who shoots the lights out and looks like he spends his off days flipping tractor tires.

We will see how this new-look juggernaut handles the Hawks tonight before the Minnesota Timberwolves come to town on Friday. If this starting five actually manages to stay out of the trainer's room, the rest of the Eastern Conference has a massive problem on its hands.